Facebook is a wonderful thing. You can say how you are feeling, what you are up to, memories, or thoughts of a time that has gone by. We show pictures of our kids, link music to express our emotions, show videos of cute things we find on the web, and even link to personal blogs expressing a wide variety of topics.
I like to state it on facebook when I accomplish something major, or a bunch of little things all at once. It does not prove that I am any better than anyone else, just that I like to brag! LOL. I choose not to talk about all the things that I do not get accomplished, but revel in the one or two things that I do. So if you see that a friend has posted that they got a bunch of stuff done before 10 am, or has done an amazing or seemingly impossible task, just remember that there is probably still a ton of laundry to be done, or dishes stacked in the sink.
I would love to say that I can do it all, and maybe I could if I didn't watch television, or check out facebook, but I choose to watch my couple of favorite show, and see what cool things my friends have done lately. It's doubtful anyway, I get too distracted.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Justice for Sarah
I come from a large family. Not personally, I only have one brother, but my Mother is one of 9 children, and I think her mom was one of 10, so with extended relations, it is quite large. We don't keep in touch with everyone, but now with facebook I have expanded my relationships to extend past people that I had known before. Being from a large family, there is a wide range of relationships. In this day and age, divorce happens, childhood out of wedlock happens, shoot just about anything happens. It is accepted, because we are learning that we are just human, and that everyone makes mistakes, or changes feelings. I don't know how well I am explaining things, but understand that sometimes things happen, and while it may seem the best at the time, some people are hurt. I am not angry with anyone (except possibly myself for not being more proactive when I became an adult) about what happened all those years ago. Things happen, and everyone just deals with it the best they can. I know that may sound very coded, but I want those involved to understand before I go on.
My uncle was married and had two daughters, and then divorced. He later remarried and had a daughter and a son. All of whom are great people. His first wife remarried and had a son. Sounds pretty typical. The two daughters, Stacey and Sarah were 1 and 2 years younger than me, and while they did divorce at a young age, I do remember spending time with them. We lost touch after the divorce, and I very rarely heard about them. When our High School team went to the state championships, I did get a chance to see them, but that was about the extent of my connection.
I heard later that Sarah had a baby boy, when I was pregnant with Aidan, and the first 3 great grandchildren in the family were boys all born within about a year of each other Adahy, Austin, and Aidan. Even though I was not in touch with her, it made me feel a little closer. Looking back now, I am sad to say, the warm feelings was about all I had. I never made any attempt to reconnect with Sarah or Stacey at that point.
I moved to Germany with my husband, and when I had Mackenzie, Sarah also had her second child, Lilli. It is amazing to me how much our lives paralleled even though we were not in touch. Of course, from what I have heard about Sarah, we were probably as different as night and day. She sounds like she was a beautiful soul, raising her children in Hawaii, living the culture. Sounds like it was a very peaceful existence.
I am not sure if she was married to Adahy and Lilli's dad or not, but that is not really relevant. At some point she was no longer involved with him, and started a relationship with another man. It was not a healthy relationship. She had been asked by Stacey and their brother to leave him, come back to the states, but she just could not do it. In the fall of 2005, she was pregnant with her third child. In October of that year, my father passed away, and I was in Florida with my mom and the kids until Veteran's day. Thanksgiving weekend we got a call from my uncle that Sarah had been beaten to death by her boyfriend. She was being kept on life support until the baby could be delivered. Josiah Darcy Fay was born on December 12th, and then they let Sarah go.
Josiah was adopted by Sarah's brother and his brand new wife. I am very happy for that. Shortly after Sarah died, Fran (Stacey and Sarah's mom) passed away from cancer. Mom and I were able to travel to central Illinois to attend the memorial. It was good to see Stacey again. Her brother (who was about 5 last time I saw him) was proudly carrying Josiah around. Since that time I have reconnected with Stacey on facebook, and while it is not as good of a relationship as it might have been, at least I have one with her.
It is now 5 years later, and this man, Marwaan Jackson, is just now on trial for her death. It truly amazes me that it can take this long for someone to be tried for the crimes he committed. I truly hope for justice to be served. I have found some references to Sarah, and am truly surprised by how many women are killed at the hands of someone who supposedly loves them. The psychological games that are involved to keep women going back to the relationship are aweful. The worst thing is that Sarah had realized this and had a restraining order against him. One of the neighbors testified on the first day that Marwaan seemed to be more concerned about himself than about the welfare of Sarah after the beating. Unbelievable!
I pray for justice for Sarah. I am sorry for the relationship that I never had, and the beautiful soul I will never know. I am thankful that her three children are healthy and happy. I am thankful for the reconnection with Stacey.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Time Flies
Sometimes it amazes me how quickly time flies. I know we still have a long time to go, and Scott can tell you exactly how long, but I believe that as of last Sunday, we were down to 236 days. I know that still seems like a lot, but I keep looking forward to when we get to 180. It just seems like it should move much faster after that point. We started second semester at school last week. Next month, soccer practices begin. That will take us to the beginning of May and almost to the end of the year. With three in soccer this spring, it will definitely become a juggling act (not that it isn't already).
Summer will be long, but we will be in the home stretch. Scott will be home in September, and with Aidan probably gone for June and July, it will truly feel like a different household. Aidan will come home in August (this is providing that he gets the job as camp counselor that he applied for), and August will start marching band and getting ready for school. (Oh no, not marching band already, that means football games and concessions again!!!) So the kids will be in school for about a month when Scott gets home. That is not too bad.
The girls will probably do a summer camp, and then we can spend some time just doing girl things. Mackenzie will be going into Junior High next year and Brigid into Intermediate school, so there will be changes coming. We might just have to spend the summer trying new looks.
Oh yes, and Aidan will (hopefully for him) get his driver's permit this summer. He would love to be driving as much as possible, and I think the more he drives, the better he will be able to handle driving on his own once he gets his license. Of course he has to get his permit while dad is gone. I guess it is better for me to freak out than him.
I think Scott being gone is harder for him than for us. We miss him terribly, but my plan of staying busy so we don't miss him as much definitely worked. We are busy every day, to the point when I look forward to when we don't have anything going on. Unfortunately for Scott, he works, but does not have a ton to do on the side. So he goes home and plays video games and hangs out on the computer. That sounds awesome, and probably was for a couple of days, but being in an apartment all by yourself after living with such an active household for so long, has got to get lonely. We try and skype daily, but sometimes it just doesn't work out. I feel bad when we don't get a chance to skype, because I know it helps him feel connected, but sometimes it is unavoidable.
Soon we will be past that 180 mark, and time will start flying by. Until then (and even past then) we will continue to count the days and know that it is working towards him coming home to us.
Summer will be long, but we will be in the home stretch. Scott will be home in September, and with Aidan probably gone for June and July, it will truly feel like a different household. Aidan will come home in August (this is providing that he gets the job as camp counselor that he applied for), and August will start marching band and getting ready for school. (Oh no, not marching band already, that means football games and concessions again!!!) So the kids will be in school for about a month when Scott gets home. That is not too bad.
The girls will probably do a summer camp, and then we can spend some time just doing girl things. Mackenzie will be going into Junior High next year and Brigid into Intermediate school, so there will be changes coming. We might just have to spend the summer trying new looks.
Oh yes, and Aidan will (hopefully for him) get his driver's permit this summer. He would love to be driving as much as possible, and I think the more he drives, the better he will be able to handle driving on his own once he gets his license. Of course he has to get his permit while dad is gone. I guess it is better for me to freak out than him.
I think Scott being gone is harder for him than for us. We miss him terribly, but my plan of staying busy so we don't miss him as much definitely worked. We are busy every day, to the point when I look forward to when we don't have anything going on. Unfortunately for Scott, he works, but does not have a ton to do on the side. So he goes home and plays video games and hangs out on the computer. That sounds awesome, and probably was for a couple of days, but being in an apartment all by yourself after living with such an active household for so long, has got to get lonely. We try and skype daily, but sometimes it just doesn't work out. I feel bad when we don't get a chance to skype, because I know it helps him feel connected, but sometimes it is unavoidable.
Soon we will be past that 180 mark, and time will start flying by. Until then (and even past then) we will continue to count the days and know that it is working towards him coming home to us.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Grandma Wanda
On Friday, 1-21-11, my grandmother passed away. It was surprising, but not totally unexpected. My grandmother was 89 years old. She had breast cancer about 20 years ago, and was repeatedly having skin cancers removed. A couple of years ago, she fell and broke her pelvis, and since she had osteoporosis, she never totally healed from it. She had been in a nursing home for the past 3 years at various levels. So, like I said, I was surprised and sad, but knew she was at peace. My grandfather fell a couple of weeks ago, and since the doctors have decided that he should not live by himself. So in the past month he has gone from living in his condo, and visiting granny every day (for most of the day), to being in a different wing of the same nursing home and walking down (with a walker) to see granny as his physical therapy, to granny being gone. I cannot begin to imagine what he must be going through.
My other grandmother died when I was in fourth grade. I think that my grandpa (Beryl) died when my brother was in fourth grade. My father died when Aidan was in fourth grade, and Scott's grandfather died when Mackenzie was in fourth grade. I am not suggesting that is the only years we have lost family, but it is quite a coincidence to me. After Mom let me know that Granny had passed away and we had cried, she said "well, at least I am off the hook". We both laughed.
I loved my grandmother. She was a different person. She was born in 1921 and grew up during the depression. This probably was the cause of her accumulation of stuff. She was not a hoarder, but she did want her stuff. She was married the first time in 1938 at the age of 16 (probably to get out of the house). My father was born exactly 1 year later. My aunt was born in 42. Granny and her husband divorced, and then she married Gus in 49. I never knew my father's dad. Gus was the only grandfather that I have ever known (my mother's father died when she was 18). He is a great man and I pray that he deals with Granny's death. My other aunt was born in 52. My grandmother had 7 grandchildren, 20 great grandchildren and I think a couple of great great grandchildren. What a legacy!
I had not seen Granny in the past couple of years. Military life does not always allow travel when you want (or can afford). And it always seems like something comes up. I hope that Granny knows how much we loved her, and knows that we prayed for her on a regular basis. I feel bad that my kids do not remember her as much as they probably should. Aidan remembers her and being at the condo, but I am not sure about the girls. I know it upset both of them when I told them, but I am not sure it is because of their memories, or just because it was someone related to us.
R.I.P. Wanda B Gulyban 8/10/21 - 1/21/11 you will be missed!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Skyping Through the Separation
Skype is a wonderful thing. I am so thankful for the increase in technology in the past 20 years. It is amazing to me that in 1991, twenty years ago, the way Scott an I communicated when he was in Iraq and Kuwait was by mail. In 2003-4, when he was again in Iraq, we were able to instant message back and forth with a webcam, but without sound. We were at least able to see each other, and I guess in one instance, it was better that I did not "hear" what was going on.
Last spring, as his impending move was coming up, we started playing around with Skype. It seemed interesting, but did not have a real need to get to know it. When Scott went up to Michigan last summer, he even set up his Mom with Skype, so she would be able to contact Scott. Of course, she forgot how to use it, but after several times of me walking her through it on the phone, she can now contact him. Now if she would just remember the time change! LOL.
We try and talk to each other everyday. It does seem to help somewhat. I try and call before the girls leave for school, so he can see them and see how they are doing. Of course, being girls, they are not always ready on time to get a chance to talk (when did that start???). I also call him back after I come back from the bus stop, and we talk while Aidan is eating breakfast. Aidan doesn't like Dad to see him eat, but other than that, it is not bad.
It was especially good to have on Christmas, so Scott was able to be with us as the kids opened presents. I had my laptop on the coffee table, so Scott was the center of attention. He even waited until our Christmas morning to open his presents, even though for him, it was about 11 p.m.
It is frustrating when the picture gets pixely (not sure if that is a word or not), I think it is more frustrating for Scott than for me. I know what he looks like. But I am thankful for the opportunity to talk with him and see him. It makes it not as difficult for us to feel connected. It is not the same as being here, but I am thankful that we have this opportunity to connect. Thank goodness for technology.
Last spring, as his impending move was coming up, we started playing around with Skype. It seemed interesting, but did not have a real need to get to know it. When Scott went up to Michigan last summer, he even set up his Mom with Skype, so she would be able to contact Scott. Of course, she forgot how to use it, but after several times of me walking her through it on the phone, she can now contact him. Now if she would just remember the time change! LOL.
We try and talk to each other everyday. It does seem to help somewhat. I try and call before the girls leave for school, so he can see them and see how they are doing. Of course, being girls, they are not always ready on time to get a chance to talk (when did that start???). I also call him back after I come back from the bus stop, and we talk while Aidan is eating breakfast. Aidan doesn't like Dad to see him eat, but other than that, it is not bad.
It was especially good to have on Christmas, so Scott was able to be with us as the kids opened presents. I had my laptop on the coffee table, so Scott was the center of attention. He even waited until our Christmas morning to open his presents, even though for him, it was about 11 p.m.
It is frustrating when the picture gets pixely (not sure if that is a word or not), I think it is more frustrating for Scott than for me. I know what he looks like. But I am thankful for the opportunity to talk with him and see him. It makes it not as difficult for us to feel connected. It is not the same as being here, but I am thankful that we have this opportunity to connect. Thank goodness for technology.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Where did it all come from???
My mom does genealogy, so her question is where did they come from? But no, that is not what I am referring to. I have started cleaning out my closets as part of my new year's resolution. I really do not to wind up on that show about hoarders! :) So as part of my personal 12 step program I am cleaning bit by bit. And then maintaining what I do. I have not gotten far, but am happy that I can get something accomplished.
I had originally added an extra shelf along the back wall of our closet to give us extra hanging space, but we wound up putting extra stuff on the shelf, making using the upper hanging rack useless. So today I took it down. That forced me clean off that shelf and condense down and organize what we have. The pictures of our family will have to wait, I want to hang them behind our bed, and we still want to get an actual headboard, so we will postpone the pictures.
I am a places person. I like to have a place to put things. We joke and say that Brigid got this trait from Scott (she fills anything that she has with stuff, whether it belongs or not), but I guess I do it too. Although, where Brigid will fill a purse with a little bit of everything whether it should go in there or not, I need to organize. I had an extra basket, so all of Scott's extra hunting stuff will go in there. I had a leftover plastic shoe box, so Scott's paperwork will go in there. I don't dare get rid of anything of Scott's. I did that once, and he was not happy with me. But, I will organize it.
I have a memory box for each of us on my shelf in the closet. It is not huge, but I am trying to keep some mementos for each of the kids in there, like some of Aidan's things from when he was in school in Germany, and Mackenzie's too from the German Kindergarten she was attended. I have little moccasins from when Scott was a baby in his box (as well as other things). I threw away 1 garbage bag of stuff from our closet, and there were no clothes in there!
There is still more to go through, but it is a start. We have another closet in our bedroom, and that will be my next goal, but it is a bigger task, so I decided to start small and work my way up. I want to start getting rid of things that we no longer need. I feel like there is too much stuff. Hence my question, where did it all come from?
I had originally added an extra shelf along the back wall of our closet to give us extra hanging space, but we wound up putting extra stuff on the shelf, making using the upper hanging rack useless. So today I took it down. That forced me clean off that shelf and condense down and organize what we have. The pictures of our family will have to wait, I want to hang them behind our bed, and we still want to get an actual headboard, so we will postpone the pictures.
I am a places person. I like to have a place to put things. We joke and say that Brigid got this trait from Scott (she fills anything that she has with stuff, whether it belongs or not), but I guess I do it too. Although, where Brigid will fill a purse with a little bit of everything whether it should go in there or not, I need to organize. I had an extra basket, so all of Scott's extra hunting stuff will go in there. I had a leftover plastic shoe box, so Scott's paperwork will go in there. I don't dare get rid of anything of Scott's. I did that once, and he was not happy with me. But, I will organize it.
I have a memory box for each of us on my shelf in the closet. It is not huge, but I am trying to keep some mementos for each of the kids in there, like some of Aidan's things from when he was in school in Germany, and Mackenzie's too from the German Kindergarten she was attended. I have little moccasins from when Scott was a baby in his box (as well as other things). I threw away 1 garbage bag of stuff from our closet, and there were no clothes in there!
There is still more to go through, but it is a start. We have another closet in our bedroom, and that will be my next goal, but it is a bigger task, so I decided to start small and work my way up. I want to start getting rid of things that we no longer need. I feel like there is too much stuff. Hence my question, where did it all come from?
Friday, January 21, 2011
Journeys
Well, it is that time of year yet again. The girls are taking orders for cookies. Since I don't have to work tomorrow, we might go out and get some more orders. It will depend on how cold it is, and if we feel up to going out. I am kind of leaving it in their control this year. Too many years have been spent trying to reach goals and quotas. In Kentucky, at least it seemed like the different levels were obtainable, but here, it just seems like they want way too much from the girls. I have not even ordered from the girls yet, and will probably be ordering some for Scott as well. I think that I am just not as into it this year.
Actually, I don't think I am as into Scouts at all this year. I am not totally happy with where the movement has gone with the new Journey program. I understand the need for GSUSA to try and get the girls to pay more attention to the world around them and to have a more rounded program of badge work, camping, and service. But either I am mis-understanding what they are wanting of the girls, or they are totally out of the loop as to what the girls are capable of doing at each age level. Our troop encompasses girls from almost all of the age levels as we have 1st graders - 7th graders.
At the Daisy level (which is now a 2 year program for Kindergarten and 1st graders) they want the girls to be able to sit and listen to stories broken up over several weeks. They have lots of writing (fill in the blanks) but still just the same 10 petals for them to earn over 2 years.
Now, don't get me wrong, all of our leaders does a marvelous job with their girls, but you can see the frustration sometimes with all of us having to go over things numerous times because kids are absent. And I am not upset with the parents when the girls miss. Many of our parents have little ones and someone is sick in the family, some are military (so a spouse might be gone for a while) and some have schedule conflicts at times with other activities.
At the Brownie level, you have try-its that can be earned as well as the Journey program, and with the Journey that I am currently working on with the brownies, they had some really neat activities, but again, it is drawn out, and when the girls miss, you do have to go back over it. With the badges, if the girls miss we usually just give them the paperwork, and if they want to work on it on their own they can, but we do not redo the badgework.
I have found my own frustration with the Journey is that it is supposed to be "girl led". Can we get a clarification on what this means? Do you mean that the girls are supposed to be in charge of the program, because if you do, then why do you print a leader's book? And if it does not mean that, then why do you tell leaders that the girls are supposed to take charge???
My brownies are working on the water journey. They are learning about what it would be like to have very little water, and what it would be like to have to search for water. We had some fun activities on this. So part of the Journey is to do a service project. It is very difficult for the girls to focus on what way they can bring awareness to our water issues. They finally decided to reuse their water bottles. Kind of a stretch, but it is their project, so I went with it. We have made posters, and the girls made a sign up sheet to get others to promise to reuse. We even made up like membership cards. I have not yet seen what the results are, but we will see within the next week or two.
The older girls seem to be doing okay. Mom is working with the Juniors (I could not work with Brigid). She seems to be getting the girls to work towards their goal. Since I don't see their age level meeting time, I can only assume that they are doing well, and Brigid seems to like what she is doing. Mom does have the girls working on leading badge work, which I have mixed opinions on, but the girls seem prepared, and Mom is still leading the Journey. They can make decisions, but she still guides them and limits their decisions.
Once you get to Cadettes, it seems like all bets are off. Several of the girls no longer want to do the work, they just want to goof around. That's fine, but that is not helpful to the girls that want to work. I am also concerned with the level of independence that is assumed. Mackenzie was supposed to work on a project that talked about air quality (a field trip, none the less) that she was supposed to organize??? Meloney said she did a good job with it, but while I don't think that there was much better she could have done with the trip part (walk around to other areas outside and see if the air quality changes), she should have done slides/photos to show some air quality problems in different parts of the country. Mom and I had given her several suggestions as to how she could accomplish her goal, and her response was that she felt like we were taking over her project. Ugh...drama!
Also, as girls become older, the leader becomes more of an advisor, but that should not mean that the girls should be the teachers. The badges and the journey require and advanced knowledge, which I do not think that the girls can accurately give unless they have had advanced instruction.
It just seems to me that the organization is sending mixed messages. They telling us that the girls are supposed to lead the meetings, but does that mean that they are supposed to do the teaching or does it mean they should say we want to learn about _____! and then the leader organizes it.
I am to the point now, where I am not sure how long I can stay with the organization. Girl Scouts was supposed to be a place where the girls get to learn new things and try different things than what they would normally get to do. I don't think that the girls can accurately teach others what they don't have prior knowledge to as they get up to the older levels. I want to see the girls expanding their knowledge and see their faces when they learn something new and get it (you know, that lightbulb moment), and I am just not seeing it right now.
We will see....
Actually, I don't think I am as into Scouts at all this year. I am not totally happy with where the movement has gone with the new Journey program. I understand the need for GSUSA to try and get the girls to pay more attention to the world around them and to have a more rounded program of badge work, camping, and service. But either I am mis-understanding what they are wanting of the girls, or they are totally out of the loop as to what the girls are capable of doing at each age level. Our troop encompasses girls from almost all of the age levels as we have 1st graders - 7th graders.
At the Daisy level (which is now a 2 year program for Kindergarten and 1st graders) they want the girls to be able to sit and listen to stories broken up over several weeks. They have lots of writing (fill in the blanks) but still just the same 10 petals for them to earn over 2 years.
Now, don't get me wrong, all of our leaders does a marvelous job with their girls, but you can see the frustration sometimes with all of us having to go over things numerous times because kids are absent. And I am not upset with the parents when the girls miss. Many of our parents have little ones and someone is sick in the family, some are military (so a spouse might be gone for a while) and some have schedule conflicts at times with other activities.
At the Brownie level, you have try-its that can be earned as well as the Journey program, and with the Journey that I am currently working on with the brownies, they had some really neat activities, but again, it is drawn out, and when the girls miss, you do have to go back over it. With the badges, if the girls miss we usually just give them the paperwork, and if they want to work on it on their own they can, but we do not redo the badgework.
I have found my own frustration with the Journey is that it is supposed to be "girl led". Can we get a clarification on what this means? Do you mean that the girls are supposed to be in charge of the program, because if you do, then why do you print a leader's book? And if it does not mean that, then why do you tell leaders that the girls are supposed to take charge???
My brownies are working on the water journey. They are learning about what it would be like to have very little water, and what it would be like to have to search for water. We had some fun activities on this. So part of the Journey is to do a service project. It is very difficult for the girls to focus on what way they can bring awareness to our water issues. They finally decided to reuse their water bottles. Kind of a stretch, but it is their project, so I went with it. We have made posters, and the girls made a sign up sheet to get others to promise to reuse. We even made up like membership cards. I have not yet seen what the results are, but we will see within the next week or two.
The older girls seem to be doing okay. Mom is working with the Juniors (I could not work with Brigid). She seems to be getting the girls to work towards their goal. Since I don't see their age level meeting time, I can only assume that they are doing well, and Brigid seems to like what she is doing. Mom does have the girls working on leading badge work, which I have mixed opinions on, but the girls seem prepared, and Mom is still leading the Journey. They can make decisions, but she still guides them and limits their decisions.
Once you get to Cadettes, it seems like all bets are off. Several of the girls no longer want to do the work, they just want to goof around. That's fine, but that is not helpful to the girls that want to work. I am also concerned with the level of independence that is assumed. Mackenzie was supposed to work on a project that talked about air quality (a field trip, none the less) that she was supposed to organize??? Meloney said she did a good job with it, but while I don't think that there was much better she could have done with the trip part (walk around to other areas outside and see if the air quality changes), she should have done slides/photos to show some air quality problems in different parts of the country. Mom and I had given her several suggestions as to how she could accomplish her goal, and her response was that she felt like we were taking over her project. Ugh...drama!
Also, as girls become older, the leader becomes more of an advisor, but that should not mean that the girls should be the teachers. The badges and the journey require and advanced knowledge, which I do not think that the girls can accurately give unless they have had advanced instruction.
It just seems to me that the organization is sending mixed messages. They telling us that the girls are supposed to lead the meetings, but does that mean that they are supposed to do the teaching or does it mean they should say we want to learn about _____! and then the leader organizes it.
I am to the point now, where I am not sure how long I can stay with the organization. Girl Scouts was supposed to be a place where the girls get to learn new things and try different things than what they would normally get to do. I don't think that the girls can accurately teach others what they don't have prior knowledge to as they get up to the older levels. I want to see the girls expanding their knowledge and see their faces when they learn something new and get it (you know, that lightbulb moment), and I am just not seeing it right now.
We will see....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)